Wednesday, November 30, 2011

"Crystal Ball" Do I have one? Do I need one? Do I want to know?



I used to like to walk the straight and narrow line
I used to think that everything was fine
Sometimes I'd like to sit and gaze for days through sleepless dreams
All alone and trapped in time
All alone and trapped in time

I wonder what tomorrow has in mind for me
Or am I even in it's mind at all
Perhaps I'll get a chance to look ahead and see
Soon as I find myself a crystal ball
Soon as I find myself a crystal ball

Tell me, tell me where I'm going
I don't know where I've been
Tell me, tell me, won't you tell me
And then tell me again
My heart is breaking, my body's aching
And I don't know where to go
Tell me, tell me, won't you tell me
I've just got to know

Crystal ball
There's so many things I need to know
Crystal ball
There's so many things I've got to know
Crystal ball

["extra verse" used occasionally live]
If you should see me walking
Through your dreams at night
Would you please direct me
Where I ought to be
I've been looking for a crystal ball
To shed the light
To find a future in me...
To find a future in me...

Crystal ball
There's so many things I need to know
Crystal ball
There's so many things I've got to know
Crystal ball


**Which is your Crystal Ball....??

I have posted this song before, bu now, really now, this has taken on another meaning for me.

I thought all was ok, my life, my family, all in my crystal ball, now dropped, now cracked, now dirty & I am trying to pick up these pieces, my pieces....I wish I could go back, I can't so I walk forward.
Not that I feel alone....
And by no means trapped, but, trapped in my past, trying to figure who I was & now who I am.
I don't think I want to know what's ahead, like in The Wizard Of Oz, when Dorothy first meets the Scarecrow & not knowing which road to take, so I will venture out & go one way, the way I choose, not trapped @ all.....just the water in front of me, free flowing, no beginning & no end, just there finding its wave & going the distance.
My heart is breaking. I have had heartaches before, this is @ a another level. One that I am beginning to understand & grab a hold of, not too too tight, just enough. With this heartache, my body is reacting to pain, my body is finding its own voice & I am learning to follow this path too.
Whether you call this selfish, I call this my time, my awareness. Boy does my body tell me some stories.....I like this.

I can see the light @ the end of my tunnel, however, like that brick wall I often talk about, this wall is not as think & a lite is coming, dim, but there, so maybe, just maybe, I do see my future in my crystal ball.

I can remember my past experiences & wish I can take this back to "then", but that's not how it goes......I am climbing my ladder & growing, learning & just knowing my awareness is truly opening up, I understand me more & more...


So, the ultimate question: Do I want to know what's in my Crystal Ball.....do you want to know yours? AS the song states "I Just Got To Know" REALLY?

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