Tuesday, June 14, 2011
"That's What She Said"
I'm taking this next thought from a dear gf's blog: "That's What She Said."
I struggle w/relationships, not just boyfriend/girlfriend, but family & just plain old good fashion friendships. All is work, no relationship should come easy. I mean yes, fun time, laughter, but that roller-coaster ride of life always gets your way, sometimes.
I too have had my heart-breaks.
I thought I had found my one true love, a man I could trust, confide in, tell anything too, no matter how serious I thought the subject was or even if the subject was as silly as silly could get, he took me seriously & he knew the real me. He was there @ some pretty low times & a lot of medical situations. We went thru it all, we got thru it all......but here I am, so we didn't get thru it all....
He listened, he was smart, handsome, he helped w/my family, helped w/my son & I was there for him too, thru his family, his kids, it was a dream for me & the communication was fantastic! A man that could talk & respond & communicate! (even stop for directions!)
He took care of me...he even had a nic-name from a sister that will always be remembered......but here I am, so we didn't get thru it all....
With this all said, I am single.
As my friend SK stated "But he wasn't real. He pretended to be somebody I wanted him to be, but inside he wasn't & while on the outside he is sweet and charming and handsome and wonderful. And he broke my heart into so many pieces that I couldn't/can't trust a man again."
So I have & am healing, yes many moons later.....I have looked & search within me....I am able now, to accept that I am in love w/being in love, not the actual man, to me this isn't right. I need to look @ the whole entire picture, the man, the person & look @ me for me & trying to be something I am not.
I do thank God for not being in any relationship right now, or even the rest of my life.
I am good.
I am real.
I am true to me.
I was real & true to who I am in these relationships, however, I tried too hard.
Friends, family, co-workers, all tell me the same line...."Oh when you are looking, it'll happen" or "they just weren't meant to be." Argh hate that! (i dislike the word hate, i dislike the word just....)
I have a path. I have a journey. I have faith.
And that's where it'll lay for now.
Prayer is powerful.
Forgiveness is powerful. (i've had some of this last sunday)
Whether I am single or in a relationship, I am me.
I accept me.
The ups & downs & the good & bad of dating.
I did state once, and actually many times to a certain some-one, that that was it for me "if-this-relationship-doesn't-work-no-more"
Dating is too hard.
Meet someone, start chatting, go out once & awhile & then all over again, a huge circle...who wants that.
So I am me. No one else & I don't even want to be anyone else.
So take me or leave me.
Read this blog or not, try & understand my ramblings, I am me.
"It's all Good!"