Saturday, December 31, 2011

2012...Bring the New Year in!

Though the Chinese New Year won’t start until February 4, 2012, when it does we will be releasing the Year of the White Rabbit and entering the Year of the Black Water Dragon.
The Year of the Rabbit is generally a time for negotiation, security, and diplomacy because it naturally opens waves of communication. It is especially noted for a positive focus on the home and family. The Year of the Rabbit is also considered to be a very lucky time.

On the other hand, the Year of the Dragon is thought to be an unpredictable time period. Because the dragon is such a huge, powerful beast, one cannot see its head and tail at the same time, indicating an element of mystery for the upcoming year. The strength of the dragon empowers us with a large degree of luck, but whether the luck is good or bad will depend on the person. The choice to turn bad luck around to work in your favor, or to improve on the good luck you receive, will require great passion on your part.

Wait, and expect good things - for yourself.

When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love have to offer, the best God and His universe have to send. Then open your hands to receive it. Claim it, and it is yours.

See the best in your mind; envision what it will look like, what it will feel like. Focus, until you can see it clearly. Let your whole being, body and soul, enter into and hold onto the image for a moment.

Then, let it go. Come back into today, the present moment. Do not obsess. Do not become fearful. Become excited. Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are, and all you will become.

Wait, and expect good things.

Today, when I think abut the year ahead, I will focus on the good that is coming.


Storyside B - O Come, O Come Emmanuel

Last week in Nashville, my Floridian nephew, Jesse, along with his fellow musician Lucio Rubino, who together make up the group Story Side B, performed O' Come, O Come Emmanuel as part of a Christmas Special for the Trinity Broadcast Network on the Praise The Lord program. It will be on again tonight, TBN at 7 pm (EST) so you know where we will be in a few minutes!

Jesse wrote the musical arrangement and played guitar (and a few back up vocals).
(i stole from my sis's blog)

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Martina McBride - O Holy Night (Acapella))


Oh holy night!
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

Fall on your knees
Oh hear the angel voices
Oh night divine
Oh night when Christ was born
Oh night divine
Oh night divine

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming
Here come the wise men from Orient land
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger
In all our trials born to be our friend.

Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.

Let There be Peace On Earth -- My Wish...Join me....

Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on earth
The peace that was meant to be.
With God as our father
Brothers all are we.
Let me walk with my brother
In perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With every step i take
Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment
And live each moment
With peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth,
And let it begin with me.

Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on earth
The peace that was meant to be.
With god as our father
Brothers all are we.
Let me walk with my brother
In perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With every step I take
Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment
And live each moment
In peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.

My Thought For My Day

It is my job to identify my needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. I ultimately expect a Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be my source.

It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet my every request. I are responsible for asking for what I want and need. It's the other person's responsibility to freely choose whether or not to respond to my request. If I try to coerce or force another to be there for us, that's controlling.

There's a difference between asking and demanding. I want love that is freely given.

It is unreasonable and unhealthy to expect one person to be the source for meeting all my needs.
Ultimately, I will become angry and resentful, maybe even punishing, toward that person for not supporting me as I expected.

It is reasonable to have certain and well defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends.

If a person cannot or will not be there for me, then I need to take responsibility for myself in that relationship.

I may need to set a boundary, alter my expectations, or change the limits of the relationship to accommodate that person's unavailability. I do this for myself.

It is reasonable to sprinkle my wants and needs around and to be realistic about how much I ask or expect of any particular person. I can trust ourselves to know what's reasonable.

The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that I am responsible for identifying my own needs, believing they deserve to get met, and discover an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in my life.

Today, I will strive for reasonable expectations about getting my needs met in relationships.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Faith Hill Where Are You Christmas HD

Where are you Christmas?
Why can't I find you?
Why have you gone away?
Where is the laughter,
you used to bring me?
Why can't I hear music play?

My world is changing.
I'm rearranging.
Does that mean Christmas changes, too?

Where are you Christmas?
Do you remember,
the one you used to know?
I'm not the same one.
See what the time's done?
Is that why you have let me go?

Christmas is here.
Everywhere, oh.
Christmas is here.
If you care, oh !

If there is love in your heart and your mind
you will feel like Christmas all the time!

I feel you Christmas.
I know I've found you.
You'll never fade away.
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us and
Fills each and every heart,
with love

Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love

If you all see me on facebook, you'll see that I posted this, similar, but I can post more here.....
So, where is your Christmas?
Have your memories faded?
Mine have not. My memories will always be there, stronger & stronger every day.
The hope to have that again, one day.
Family together.
The making of new memories.

To all of you....I wish you the very best through your Holidays & no matter how you celebrate, I respect all........Merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

* Angels Among Us *

An especially THANK YOU & THANKFUL to: Cindy , Lisa M, MK, Laurie H, my son & his gf & more & more & more to Heidi & Carolyn!!!! I Love you all! My drk hours haven't been so are all lighting my way & assisting in my marvelous JOURNEY!!

I was walking home from school on a cold winter day.
Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way.
It was getting late, and I was scared and alone.
But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home.
Mama couldn't see him, but he was standing there.
And I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers.

Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with the light of love.

When life held troubled times, and had me down on my knees.
There's always been someone there to come along and comfort me.
A kind word from a stranger, to lend a helping hand.
A phone call from a friend, just to say I understand.

And ain't it kind of funny that at the dark end of the road.
Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope.

Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with the light of love.

They wear so many faces; show up in the strangest places.
To grace us with their mercy, in our time of need.

Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with the light of love.

To guide us with the light of love.

Angels Amoung Us, has always been a favorite, not just for remembering ones who have passed, but those, who are here & now & present!
My world, my own little world has been rocked in such a manner I have never felt, that my right turn ended up as a left.
This is ok.
There is a plan, yes a plan....

Join my in my journey, see my changes, not just here, it's just a title, but I am here, walking, breathing & liviing & WOW, let the living in the present begin!

Again, thanks to all who have been there, more so over the last week, but all, you all are super supportive!

There is a reason to bend my knees, to pray, to rejoice & to livw!

Friday, December 02, 2011

Tim McGraw Performs - The View

I know how to hold a grudge
I can send a bridge up in smoke
And I can't count the people I've let down, the hearts I've broke
You ain't gotta dig too deep
If you wanna find some dirt on me
I'm learning who you've been
Ain't who you've got to be
It's gonna be an uphill climb
Aww honey I won't lie

I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I’m cleanin up my act, little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

I’ve pinned a lot of demons to the ground
I’ve got a few old habits left
There’s one or two I might need you to help me get
Standin in the rain so long has left me with a little rust
But put some faith in me
And someday you’ll see
There’s a diamond under all this dust

I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I’m cleanin up my act, little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
But I’m cleanin up my act, little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

"Crystal Ball" Do I have one? Do I need one? Do I want to know?

I used to like to walk the straight and narrow line
I used to think that everything was fine
Sometimes I'd like to sit and gaze for days through sleepless dreams
All alone and trapped in time
All alone and trapped in time

I wonder what tomorrow has in mind for me
Or am I even in it's mind at all
Perhaps I'll get a chance to look ahead and see
Soon as I find myself a crystal ball
Soon as I find myself a crystal ball

Tell me, tell me where I'm going
I don't know where I've been
Tell me, tell me, won't you tell me
And then tell me again
My heart is breaking, my body's aching
And I don't know where to go
Tell me, tell me, won't you tell me
I've just got to know

Crystal ball
There's so many things I need to know
Crystal ball
There's so many things I've got to know
Crystal ball

["extra verse" used occasionally live]
If you should see me walking
Through your dreams at night
Would you please direct me
Where I ought to be
I've been looking for a crystal ball
To shed the light
To find a future in me...
To find a future in me...

Crystal ball
There's so many things I need to know
Crystal ball
There's so many things I've got to know
Crystal ball

**Which is your Crystal Ball....??

I have posted this song before, bu now, really now, this has taken on another meaning for me.

I thought all was ok, my life, my family, all in my crystal ball, now dropped, now cracked, now dirty & I am trying to pick up these pieces, my pieces....I wish I could go back, I can't so I walk forward.
Not that I feel alone....
And by no means trapped, but, trapped in my past, trying to figure who I was & now who I am.
I don't think I want to know what's ahead, like in The Wizard Of Oz, when Dorothy first meets the Scarecrow & not knowing which road to take, so I will venture out & go one way, the way I choose, not trapped @ all.....just the water in front of me, free flowing, no beginning & no end, just there finding its wave & going the distance.
My heart is breaking. I have had heartaches before, this is @ a another level. One that I am beginning to understand & grab a hold of, not too too tight, just enough. With this heartache, my body is reacting to pain, my body is finding its own voice & I am learning to follow this path too.
Whether you call this selfish, I call this my time, my awareness. Boy does my body tell me some stories.....I like this.

I can see the light @ the end of my tunnel, however, like that brick wall I often talk about, this wall is not as think & a lite is coming, dim, but there, so maybe, just maybe, I do see my future in my crystal ball.

I can remember my past experiences & wish I can take this back to "then", but that's not how it goes......I am climbing my ladder & growing, learning & just knowing my awareness is truly opening up, I understand me more & more...

So, the ultimate question: Do I want to know what's in my Crystal you want to know yours? AS the song states "I Just Got To Know" REALLY?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Finding "MY" Emotional Vocabulary List

Your Emotional Vocabulary List
The more I talk to people about emotions, the more I realize how paltry our emotional vocabulary tends to be. This is a problem, because descriptive words help us understand ourselves and the world around us. If we don’t have enough names for our emotions, it’s hard to get a handle on what we’re feeling when an emotion arises.

I’ve been looking at the work of cognitive psychologist who are finding that having a more precise vocabulary (for instance, having specific names for light blues and dark blues, as Russian speakers do) tends to make people quicker at identifying subtle differences. We’ve all seen that having a larger vocabulary makes us more articulate and more able to express nuance and subtlety; what is interesting is that a large vocabulary also helps your brain identify things more quickly.

This can be immensely helpful where emotion are concerned! The sooner you know what you’re feeling, the quicker you can take effective emotional action. I created the following emotional vocabulary lists in three nuanced categories (Lite, Mood State, and Intense) so you can become smarter, quicker, and more articulate with your emotions. Score!

This page contains the vocabulary lists and suggestions for working with each emotion. If you’d like your own streamlined copy of my Emotional Vocabulary List, you can download this PDF. It’s free!
Your Emotional Vocabulary List (PDF)
Now, let’s look at each emotional category and talk about how to work with the different emotions and the three different categories within those emotions.

Let’s Start With Anger

Most of us know anger only in its mood state, and I’d say this is due to the (lame) idea that anger is only negative, and is therefore something to be avoided at all costs. This enforced avoidance and resulting ignorance is not a very good idea, because anger helps you set boundaries, protect your sense of self, and take your stand in the world. Anger helps you protect your position, your voice, your standpoint, and your individuality. If you don’t have enough anger, you’ll tend to give up your position and your sense of self, but if you have too much anger, you’ll continually offend against the rights of others.

Anger is also concerned with justice; not only for yourself, but for others. Your anger can be evoked when you see someone being stripped of their sense of self, their rights, or their position. Anger is a very social emotion; if you can understand its nuances and subtleties, you can function more intelligently in your social world.

In the book, I separate anger into the categories of Anger, Rage, Fury, Hatred, Contempt, Disgust, Resentment, Boredom, and Apathy. In this list, these categories are reorganized under the master category of Anger.

Anger Lite
Annoyed ~ Frustrated ~ Cross ~ Apathetic ~ Peeved ~ Irritated ~ Cranky ~ Crabby ~ Bored ~ Impatient ~ Critical ~ Cold ~ Displeased ~ Rankled ~ Detached ~ Indifferent

Anger in its Mood State
Angry ~ Mad ~ Offended ~ Antagonized ~ Bristling ~ Sarcastic ~ Aggravated ~ Arrogant ~ Indignant ~ Inflamed ~ Affronted ~ Resentful ~ Incensed ~ Exasperated ~ Riled up

Intense Anger
Hostile ~ Aggressive ~ Livid ~ Outraged ~ Furious ~ Belligerent ~ Hateful ~ Appalled ~ Bitter ~ Ranting ~ Raving ~ Contemptuous ~ Disgusted ~ Vengeful ~ Vindictive ~ Violent ~ Irate ~ Menacing ~ Seething ~ Vicious ~ Spiteful

When you know you’re feeling anger, you can make intelligent emotional decisions about what to do with it. In the book, I suggest that you ask the internal questions when your boundaries and self-image (or anyone else’s) are threatened: What must be protected? and What must be restored? Anger brings you a great deal of energy, forcefulness, and focus. Asking the internal questions will help you channel that intensity into healthy action.

A reminder: constant anger — even the lite form — can be a sign of depression, especially in men. If nearly everything in your life evokes impatience, annoyance, irritation, anger, crankiness, indignation, sarcasm, and so forth, it’s time to check in with your doctor or therapist. Your friends and family will thank you!

Good Words for Fear

Because fear is our intuition — it’s the emotion that tells us when change is occurring, when we need to orient to something in our environment, and when we need to take action to avoid harm or injury, it’s really important to understand fear in all its forms.

In the book, I separate fear into Fear, Anxiety, Worry, Panic, Terror, and Confusion. In this list, my categories are reorganized under the master category of Fear.

Remember that fear requires that you check in and figure out what you’re being alerted to. Asking the internal question for fear: What action should be taken? (What should I do?) will help you identify and work with your fear in useful ways. If you can work with your fear, you can understand when it is healthy and appropriate, and when it is repetitive and unhelpful to you.

Fear Lite
Alert ~ Hesitant ~ Pensive ~ Watchful ~ Cautious ~ Curious ~ Leery ~ Uneasy ~ Doubtful ~ Confused ~ Fidgety ~ Apprehensive ~ Shy ~ Concerned ~ Disquieted ~ Timid ~ Edgy ~ Disconcerted ~ Insecure ~ Indecisive ~ Disoriented

Fear in its Mood State
Fearful ~ Afraid ~ Suspicious ~ Startled ~ Unnerved ~ Anxious ~ Nervous ~ Worried ~ Alarmed ~ Shaky ~ Perturbed ~ Aversive ~ Wary ~ Distrustful ~ Rattled ~ Unsettled ~ Jumpy

Intense Fear
Terrorized ~ Shocked ~ Panicked ~ Filled with Dread ~ Horrified ~ Phobic ~ Petrified ~ Paralyzed

If you experience repetitive fears, worries, or anxieties that don’t track reliably to actual dangers — and don’t respond to any actions you can take, it’s important to reach out to your doctor or therapist. Fear is a lifesaving emotion that primes your brain, your muscles, and your adrenal glands for action. If your fear is stuck in a feedback loop, you may become overwhelmed and exhausted by the activation it causes — which will activate more fear and eventually knock you into disarray. It’s important to be able to calm your body so that you can get back into a workable relationship with your fear. Fear has an irreplaceable job to do; therefore, it’s important to be able to work with your fear in healthy ways.

Tracking Happiness Through Your Life

Happiness is a lovely rest stop and a lovely emotion, but it’s not the only emotion you need. Each of your emotions has a specific purpose and a specific place in your life. One of the biggest tricks to learn with happiness is to let it come and go — and to not treat it as better or more important than your other emotions. Every emotion has its place.

If you treat happiness as your go-to emotion, you’ll suffer unnecessarily when your other emotions arise. You need anger, fear, sadness, jealousy, envy, guilt, grief, shame, and even depression (etc.) at times. If all you know and all you want is happiness, you’ll tend to avoid, ignore, suppress, or mistreat your other emotions, and then guess what? You won’t be happy very often.

What I notice in working appropriately with the supposedly “negative” emotions is that when we work with them skillfully, we often feel happy, contented, or pleased afterward. It is as if happiness arises to tell us, “Good job! You’re getting the hang of emotions now, aren’t you?”

In the book, I separate happiness into three categories: Happiness, Contentment, and Joy. In this list, we’ll reorganize them, just as we did with Anger and Fear, above.

Happiness Lite
Smiling ~ Upbeat ~ Peaceful ~ Calm ~ Amused ~ Open ~ Friendly ~ Encouraged ~ Hopeful ~ Inspired ~ Jovial

Happiness in its Mood State
Happy ~ Glad ~ Content ~ Optimistic ~ Cheerful ~ Joyful ~ Satisfied ~ Lively ~ Delighted ~ Rejuvenated ~ Pleased ~ Gratified ~ Excited ~ Gleeful ~ Merry ~ Playful

Intense Happiness
Elated ~ Exhilarated ~ Manic ~ Giddy ~ Euphoric ~ Awe-filled ~ Blissful ~ Enthralled ~ Rapturous ~ Jubilant ~ Ecstatic ~ Overjoyed ~ Radiant

In the area of intense happiness, I included mania to remind us that there can be difficulty in the area of happiness. Intense euphoric experiences are excellent and fleeting, and they can change your entire outlook on life. However, they tend not to mesh well with activities that lead to your everyday happiness and security, such as attending to your relationships, working toward difficult goals, and paying the bills. Intense euphoric happiness is excellent in its place, but part of its beauty is that it is (or should be) comparatively rare.

Looking at Sadness

Sadness is the wonderful emotion that helps you let go of things that aren’t working anyway. Most of us avoid sadness as if it is the thing that created the loss in the first place. It isn’t. In its healthy sate, sadness is evoked by the fact that you need to let go of something. Listening to sadness can help you let go of things that don’t work so that you can make room for things that do.

The internal questions to ask for sadness are: What must be released? and What must be rejuvenated? Remember to ask both questions; sadness is not just about loss. Sadness clears away things that don’t work so that you can make changes in your life and make room for things that do work for you.

Let’s organize some vocabulary to help you welcome the gifts sadness brings you. In the book, I separate sadness into Sadness, Despair, Despondence, Grief, and Depression. These categories are reorganized here under the general category of Sadness.

Sadness Lite
Regretful ~ Disappointed ~ Disconnected ~ Distracted ~ Low ~ Listless ~ Wistful

Sadness in its Mood State
Sad ~ World-weary ~ Down ~ Melancholy ~ Mournful ~ Weepy ~ Grieving ~ Gloomy ~ Dejected ~ Downtrodden ~ Heavy-hearted ~ Forlorn ~ Sorrowful ~ Dispirited ~ Discouraged ~ Drained

Intense Sadness
Despairing ~ Bleak ~ Despondent ~ Depressed ~ Anguished ~ Inconsolable ~ Grief-stricken ~ Hopeless ~ Heartbroken ~ Morose ~ Bereaved

If you’re in intense sadness, or if your mood-state sadness is continuous and repetitive (and doesn’t respond to a good cry), it’s important to check in with your doctor or therapist. Sadness has a powerful physical component that drops you downward; it can interfere with sleep, eating, and your hormonal regulation — which then leads to more sadness and more disregulation. Just as it is with any other emotion, sadness shouldn’t hang around forever. It should do its job and move onward. If it doesn’t, and you’re in a constant sadness feedback loop, please seek help.

Note for the grieving: Though grief is different from sadness, I’m including it here for ease of categorization. However, it is quite normal (and healthy) for grief to last a much longer time than simple sadness. This is because grief arises not merely when you need to let something go — grief arises when you have no choice about letting go, and when you’re losing something over which you have no control. Grieving is a slow and languid process that takes its own time. If you’re grieving, re-read the grief chapter in the book, or contact your local hospice agency for grief support. In both of these places, you’ll find support for your grieving process instead of constantly being told to cheer up. Grieving is really important — it’s not the opposite of happiness — and it takes its own time.

The Single Emotion Called Shame and Guilt

In the book, I take the word guilt out of the equation pretty quickly, because I see it as a weasel word in relation to shame. I know I’m unusual in this respect, but I’m not on a wild-eyed crusade to rid the English language of the word guilt! However, I do want to bring up the subject here so that readers won’t be confused by my inclusion of the word guilt in these lists.

Here’s an excerpt from the book on guilt and shame:


In my early teens, I read a popular self-help book that branded guilt and shame as “useless” emotions. The book presented the idea that we’re all perfect, and therefore shouldn’t ever be guilt-ridden or ashamed of anything we do. That idea seemed very strange to me, so I went to the dictionary and looked up “guiltless” and “shameless” and found that neither state is anything to celebrate. To be guiltless means to be free of mark or experience, as if you’re a blank slate. It’s not a sign of intelligence or growth, because guiltlessness exists only in people who have not yet lived. To be shameless means to be senseless, uncouth, and impudent. It’s a very marked state of being out of control, out of touch, and exceedingly self-absorbed; therefore, shamelessness lives only in people who don’t have any relational skills. Both states – guiltlessness and shamelessness – helped me understand the intrinsic value of guilt and shame.

Fascinatingly, in a dictionary definition, guilt isn’t even an emotional state at all — it’s actually the knowledge and acknowledgment of wrongdoing. Guilt is a state of circumstance: you’re either guilty or not guilty in relation to the legal or moral code you value. You cannot feel guilty, because guilt is a concrete state — not an emotional one! Your feelings are almost irrelevant; if you do something wrong, you’re guilty, and it doesn’t matter if you’re happy, angry, fearful, or depressed about it. When you don’t do something wrong, you’re not guilty. Feelings don’t enter into the equation at all. The only way you could possibly ever feel guilty is if you don’t quite remember committing an offense (“I feel like I might be guilty, but I’m not sure.”). No, what you feel is shame. Guilt is a factual state, while shame is an emotion.

Shame is the natural emotional consequence of guilt and wrongdoing. If we don’t know that and don’t welcome our authentic shame, we’ll be unable to moderate our our own behavior. We’ll continually do things we know are wrong — and we won’t have the strength to stop ourselves. In our never-ending shamelessness, we’ll offend and offend and offend without pause — we’ll always be guilty — because nothing will wake us to our effect on the world.

Guilt is a factual state, not an emotional one. You’re either guilty or not guilty. If you’re not guilty, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. However, if you are guilty, and you want to know what to do about the fact of your guilt, then you’ve got to learn to work with the information shame brings to you.

Okay, now that I’ve made that clear, forget it, because the word guilt will never leave our emotional vocabulary. It’s far simpler for people to use the weasel phrase “I feel guilty” rather than the more honest emotive phrase “I feel ashamed.” Luckily, we’ve got this following list so that we can have a more precise vocabulary for shame!

Lite Shame
Hesitant ~ Flushed ~ Self-conscious ~ Speechless ~ Discomfited ~ Awkward ~ Humble ~ Reticent ~Abashed ~ Flustered ~ Withdrawn

Shame in its Mood State
Ashamed ~ Guilty ~ Embarrassed ~ Intimidated ~ Penitent ~ Regretful ~ Remorseful ~ Chagrined ~ Culpable ~ Reproachful ~ Sheepish ~ Rueful ~ Contrite ~ Humbled

Intense Shame
Humiliated ~ Guilt-ridden ~ Guilt-stricken ~ Disgraced ~ Stigmatized ~ Mortified ~ Demeaned ~ Self-condemning ~ Self-flagellating ~ Degraded ~ Shamefaced ~ Belittled ~ Ostracized

Here is The Gifts of Shame post to help you understand the positive aspects of shame. The practice for shame is to understand it as anger toward yourself, hopefully for something you’ve actually done wrong — which means you can make amends and change your behavior. In the book, I call this kind of shame “appropriate shame,” because it relates to something real and fixable: If your shame is appropriate, it will stop you from doing something you shouldn’t, and it will help you change your behavior and make amends.

However, there is another form of shame that I call “applied shame,” which comes from the shaming messages you pick up from others and incorporate into your life. Applied shame can be pretty toxic (especially if it relates to you not being good enough, smart enough, lovable enough, etc.), and the work in the book helps you identify applied shame and work through it so that you can get yourself into a better relationship with your healthy and authentic shame. Yay!!

The Unique Emotions Called Jealousy and Envy
In the book, I describe jealousy and envy as distinct but related emotional states:

Jealousy and envy are separate emotional states, yet they carry similar information: Jealousy arises in response to unfaithfulness or deceit in an intimate relationship, while envy arises in response to the unfair distribution of resources or recognition. Both contain a mixture of boundary-protecting anger (including hatred – so check your shadow!) and intuitive fear. Both exist to help you set or restore lost boundaries after they’ve assessed an authentic risk to your security or your position. If you can honor these two emotions, they’ll contribute tremendous stability to your personality and your relationships.

If your jealousy flows healthfully, you won’t appear obsessively jealous or possessive — rather, your natural intuition and clear boundaries will help you instinctively choose and retain trustworthy mates and friends. Similarly, if your envy flows freely, you won’t appear openly envious or greedy — instead, your internal security will allow you to celebrate the gains and recognitions of others (even when they’re undeserved) without ignoring your own need for gain and recognition. However, if you suppress your jealousy and envy, you’ll have trouble identifying or relating to reliable companions, and you (and everyone around you) will be disrupted by your disastrous attempts to bolster your self-respect and security by denouncing everyone else’s and grabbing everything you can get your hands on.

I call jealousy and envy the “sociological emotions” because they help us understand and brilliantly navigate our social world. Very few people share this view; our culture pathologizes most difficult emotions, but jealousy and envy seem to be targeted more universally than others. People who express these emotions are rarely honored; they are often called insanely jealous or green-eyed monsters, which throws these emotions into the shadows. That’s never a good idea, especially in regard to emotions that carry intuitive and protective information. Both jealousy and envy arise when you’ve detected a risk to your social and personal security. Shutting them down is like throwing a noisy smoke alarm out the window before finding out why it went off! When you stifle your jealousy and envy, you not only lose your awareness of the situations that brought them forward, but you lose your emotional agility, your instincts, and your ability to navigate through your social world and your relationships.

Okay, we know the difference between jealousy and envy, but most people lump the two together. In most dictionaries envy and jealousy are treated as synonyms for each other. I don’t like to squish them together like this, but the fact is that our vocabulary choices for these two unique emotions are completely intertwined (and tellingly paltry — I’d say that we do not want to name or own up to these emotions!).

Lite Jealousy and Envy
Suspicious ~ Insecure ~ Distrustful ~ Protective

Mood-State Jealousy and Envy
Jealous ~ Envious ~ Covetous ~ Threatened ~ Demanding ~ Desirous

Intense Jealousy and Envy
Greedy ~ Grasping ~ Persistently jealous ~ Possessive ~ Resentful ~ Threatened ~ Gluttonous ~ Green with envy ~ Avaricious

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Monday, November 07, 2011

Learning to Live With Me By Gary Allan

I used to wish that I was
Great as any one
Better than I am
Could do things no one can
And I used to wish that I was cool as I could be
But now I'm learning to live with me

Is anybody satisfied with who they really are
You could be the moon
And still be jealous of the stars
You gotta' learn to swim
If you can't walk upon the sea
So I'm learning to live with me

And I used to wish that I was
Braver than the rest
A hero nothin' less
A big duke in the west
But I know the way I am is who I'm gonna be
So I'm learing to live with me

Is anybody satisfied with who they really are
You could be the moon
And still be jealous of the stars
You gotta' learn to swim
If you can't walk upon the sea
So I'm learning to live

Learning to forgive
Learning to live with me

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Inspiration -- We all need to stop & be Inspired

Words of inspiration lift the spirit, boost morale and nudge you in the direction you want to go. I nudge myself daily. A reminder I am alive, I can do & I can move.

No two people are inspired quite the same way, and what inspires is as unique as the sound of your laughter. These two people also, need to respect the other ones inspiration, too. No two people are inspired quite the same way.

One person’s inspiration may come from reading a book, poem or quote. Another may be inspired by music, the sound of children’s laughter or silence that encourages reflective thinking or even a dream or a memory.

If you feel uninspired and long to rekindle the glowing coals of your life, sit for a moment, have a roaring fire, try & sit & be in that moment & reflect.

Let a few words of inspiration sink in as you ponder the possibilities of living an inspired life.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

......says one more day till I'm another year older, I'm still none the wiser, and refusing to age gracefully! I shall fight it all the way!"

says one more day till I'm another year older, I'm still none the wiser, and refusing to age gracefully! I shall fight it all the way!"

Blowin’ out the candles on another birthday cake
Old enough to look back and laugh at my mistakes
Young enough to look at the future and like what I see
My best days are ahead of me

Life hasn't always been a party but mostly it's been good
There's only one or two things that I'd change if I could
I don’t get lost in the past or get stuck in some sad memory
My best days are ahead of me

Age ain’t nothing but a number
Sometimes I have to wonder what does it really mean
But hey, I’m still putting it together
I keep getting better, if I keep getting better
I can be whatever I wanna be
My best days are ahead of me

Age ain’t nothing but a number
Sometimes I have to wonder what does it really mean
But hey, I’m still putting it together
I keep getting better, if I keep getting better
I can be whatever I wanna be
My best days are ahead of me

I've got sunsets to witness, dreams to dance with
Beaches to walk on and lovers to kiss
There's a whole lot of world out there that I can't wait to see
My best days are ahead of me
My best days are ahead of me

Friday, October 07, 2011

Thought of You Today

Great philosphy just had to share....true beauty comes from within......

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

(The girl on the picture is French model Tara Lynn)

Friday, September 02, 2011


Not just Little Sebago lake, but water.....soothing....calming....peaceful...

During the last 2 years, I have found comfort in counseling. Everyday I stuggle, not just w/day to day functions, but getting to know me, in a way I have never known. My conscience and unconscience have ways of protceting me & my ego(super) is my reality. Well let me tell about turning my life inside out & upside down.....

I have remembered that my life was good, had 2 parents & pretty much was the spoiled younger little brat of a sister. I see now why.
Having older siblings, I always thought of them as mother-figure too. Nope, not the case....they are my sisters, even tho they are older, sisters they are.

They were left to watch me, play with me, etc....not the best for their childhood either. Our parents had more time for me, attended all my school & outside of school functions....just seems rose color glasses were on.

Well, my rose colored glasses are off, and a shook it has been.
I am glad I have been in sessions & shortly after is when my world really came crashing down.

I am blessed for what surrounds me, water. Soothing, still, calm, peaceful, I find myself there, drawn.

I now have my explanation. I feel whole in the water. I feel buoyant. I feel free. All that I have needed during my new 2 year & life-time journey.

I embrace. I walk forward. I can look back & learn more now than ever & know I am whole, hurt, but whole.

I am happy to be where I am & am finding the tools to move on.

Water, so eccenticial to my being.

“The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly alive.”

Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard.
Water is my friend & will help me wear away my rough & sharp edges & spots.
Water hydrates me. Water rinses my soul.

Water is where my heart & home is.....

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

What the Doctor ordered....

Stop trying so hard to control things. It is not our job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, and life. Maybe in the past we couldn't trust and let things happen. But we can now. The way life is unfolding is good. Let it unfold.

Stop trying so hard to do better, be better, and be more. Who we are and the way we do things is good enough for today.

Who we were and the way we did things yesterday was good enough for that day.

Ease up on ourselves. Let go. Stop trying so hard.

Today, I will let go. I will stop trying to control everything. I will stop trying to make myself be and do better, and I will let myself be.

I recently had a (well still am) vacation camping w/some girlfriends, and wow, what a time...relaxation & no schedule, no calls, no NOTHING!!!

".....I might not be someone's first choice, but I am a great choice....I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being me....I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, but I'm proud of who I am today.....I may not be perfect...but I don't need to be....Take me as I am, or watch me as I walk away...."

This is what I have realized during these days of NOTHING, I am me & I like me.....relax & really really , don't sweat the small stuff......Enjoy!

Rocks told me a story this past week.....they are plain & there when not covered in water. In water they sparkle & take on a different look, an amazing view. I couldn't get enough of this......the right time in my journey.
The rocks & their river's current allowed me to let go...............really let go.....

Monday, July 04, 2011

Happy Birthday America


During the American Revolution, the legal separation of the Thirteen Colonies from Great Britain occurred on July 2, 1776, when the Second Continental Congress voted to approve a resolution of independence that had been proposed in June by Richard Henry Lee of Virginia.[4][5] After voting for independence, Congress turned its attention to the Declaration of Independence, a statement explaining this decision, which had been prepared by a Committee of Five, with Thomas Jefferson as its principal author. Congress debated and revised the Declaration, finally approving it on July 4. A day earlier, John Adams had written to his wife Abigail:

The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.[6]

Adams's prediction was off by two days. From the outset, Americans celebrated independence on July 4, the date shown on the much-publicized Declaration of Independence, rather than on July 2, the date the resolution of independence was approved in a closed session of Congress.[7]

Historians have long disputed whether Congress actually signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, even though Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and Benjamin Franklin all later wrote that they had signed it on that day. Most historians have concluded that the Declaration was signed nearly a month after its adoption, on August 2, 1776, and not on July 4 as is commonly believed.[8][9][10][11][12]

In a remarkable coincidence, both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, the only signers of the Declaration of Independence later to serve as Presidents of the United States, died on the same day: July 4, 1826, which was the 50th anniversary of the Declaration. Although not a signer of the Declaration of Independence, James Monroe, the Fifth President of the United States, died on July 4, 1831. Calvin Coolidge, the Thirtieth President, was born on July 4, 1872, and thus was the only President to be born on Independence Day.
An 1825 invitation to an Independence Day celebration

* In 1777, thirteen gunshots were fired, once at morning and again as evening fell, on July 4 in Bristol, Rhode Island. Philadelphia celebrated the first anniversary in a manner a modern American would find quite familiar: an official dinner for the Continental Congress, toasts, 13-gun salutes, speeches, prayers, music, parades, troop reviews, and fireworks. Ships were decked with red, white, and blue bunting.[13]
* In 1778, General George Washington marked July 4 with a double ration of rum for his soldiers and an artillery salute. Across the Atlantic Ocean, ambassadors John Adams and Benjamin Franklin held a dinner for their fellow Americans in Paris, France.[14]
* In 1779, July 4 fell on a Sunday. The holiday was celebrated on Monday, July 5.[14]
* In 1781, the Massachusetts General Court became the first state legislature to recognize July 4 as a state celebration.[14]
* In 1783, Moravians in Salem, North Carolina, held a celebration of July 4 with a challenging music program assembled by Johann Friedrich Peter. This work was titled "The Psalm of Joy".
* In 1791 the first recorded use of the name "Independence Day" occurred.
* In 1820 the first Fourth of July celebration was held in Eastport, Maine which remains the largest in the state.[15]
* In 1870, the U.S. Congress made Independence Day an unpaid holiday for federal employees.[16]
* In 1938, Congress changed Independence Day to a paid federal holiday.[17]

In addition to a fireworks show, Miami lights one of its tallest buildings with the patriotic red, white and blue color scheme on Independence Day
New York City's fireworks display, shown above over the East Village, is sponsored by Macy's and the largest[18] in the country
Independence Day, 1940 Promotion.ogv
Play video
Patriotic trailer shown in theaters prior to the 4th of July 1940

Independence Day is a national holiday marked by patriotic displays. Similar to other summer-themed events, Independence Day celebrations often take place outdoors. Independence Day is a federal holiday, so all non-essential federal institutions (like the postal service and federal courts) are closed on that day. Many politicians make it a point on this day to appear at a public event to praise the nation's heritage, laws, history, society, and people.

Families often celebrate Independence Day by hosting or attending a picnic or barbecue and take advantage of the day off and, in some years, long weekend to gather with relatives. Decorations (e.g., streamers, balloons, and clothing) are generally colored red, white, and blue, the colors of the American flag. Parades are often in the morning, while fireworks displays occur in the evening at such places as parks, fairgrounds, or town squares.

Independence Day fireworks are often accompanied by patriotic songs such as the national anthem "The Star-Spangled Banner", "God Bless America", "America the Beautiful", "My Country, 'Tis of Thee", "This Land Is Your Land", "Stars and Stripes Forever", and, regionally, "Yankee Doodle" in northeastern states and "Dixie" in southern states. Some of the lyrics recall images of the Revolutionary War or the War of 1812.

Firework shows are held in many states, and many fireworks are sold for personal use or as an alternative to a public show. Safety concerns have led some states to ban fireworks or limit the sizes and types allowed. Illicit traffic transfers many fireworks from less restrictive states.

A salute of one gun for each state in the United States, called a “salute to the union,” is fired on Independence Day at noon by any capable military base.[19]

In 2009, New York City had the largest fireworks display in the country, with over 22 tons of pyrotechnics exploded.[18] Other major displays are in Chicago on Lake Michigan; in San Diego over Mission Bay; in Boston on the Charles River; in St. Louis on the Mississippi River; in San Francisco over the San Francisco Bay; and on the National Mall in Washington, D.C.. During the annual Windsor-Detroit International Freedom Festival, Detroit, Michigan hosts one of the world's largest fireworks displays, over the Detroit River, to celebrate Independence Day in conjunction with Windsor, Ontario's celebration of Canada Day.

While the official observance always falls on July 4th, participation levels may vary according to which day of the week the 4th falls on. If the holiday falls in the middle of the week, some fireworks displays and celebrations may take place during the weekend for convenience, again, varying by region.

The first week of July is typically one of the busiest American travel periods of the year, as many people utilize the holiday for extended vacation trips.[20]
Unique or historical celebrations
Originally entitled Yankee Doodle, this is one of several versions of a scene painted by A. M. Willard that came to be known as The Spirit of '76. Often imitated or parodied, it is a familiar symbol of American patriotism

* Held since 1785, the Bristol Fourth of July Parade in Bristol, Rhode Island is the oldest continuous Independence Day celebration in the United States.
* Since 1868, Seward, Nebraska has held a celebration on the same town square. In 1979 Seward was designated “America’s Official Fourth of July City-Small Town USA” by resolution of Congress. Seward has also been proclaimed Nebraska’s Official Fourth of July City” by Governor James Exon in proclamation. Seward is a town of 6,000 but swells to 40,000+ during the 4th of July celebrations. [21]
* Since 1912, the Rebild Society, a Danish-American friendship organization, has held a July 4th weekend festival that serves as a homecoming for Danish-Americans in the Rebild section of Denmark.[22]
* Since 1916, Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest in Coney Island, Brooklyn, New York City supposedly started as a way to settle a dispute among four immigrants as to who was the most patriotic.
* Since 1959, the International Freedom Festival is jointly held in Detroit, Michigan and Windsor, Ontario during the last week of June each year as a mutual celebration of Independence Day and Canada Day (July 1). It culminates in a large fireworks display over the Detroit River.
* Numerous major and minor league baseball games are played on Independence Day.
* The famous Macy's fireworks display usually held over the East River in New York City has been televised nationwide on NBC since 1976. In 2009, the fireworks display was returned to the Hudson River for the first time since 2000 to commemorate the 400th anniversary of Henry Hudson's exploration of that river.[23]
* Since 1970, the annual 10 kilometer Peachtree Road Race is held in Atlanta, Georgia.
* The Boston Pops Orchestra has hosted a music and fireworks show over the Charles River Esplanade called the "Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular" annually since 1973.[24] The event was broadcast nationally from 1987 until 2002 on the A&E Network, and has aired since 2003 on CBS.[25]
* On the Capitol lawn in Washington, D.C., “A Capitol Fourth,” a free concert, precedes the fireworks and attracts over half a million people annually.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

I´ll be okay - Amanda Marshall

It's time to let you go
It's time to say goodbye
There's no more excuses
No more tears to cry

There's been so many changes
I was so confused
All along you were the one
All the time I never knew

I want you to be happy
You're my best friend
But it's so hard to let you go now
All that could have been
I'll always have the memories
She'll always have you
Fate has a way of changing
Just when you don't want it to


Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Till love comes again
I'll be okay

Life passes so quickly
You gotta take the time
Or you'll miss what really matters
You'll miss all the signs
I've spent my life searching
For what was always there
Sometimes it will be too late
Sometimes it won't be fair


I won't give up
I won't give in
I can't recreate what just might have been
I know that my heart will find love again
Now is the time to begin


I can't hold on forever baby
I'll be okay

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Queensryche - Someone Else? Live

When i fell from grace i never realized
How deep the flood was around me
A man whose life was toil was like a kettle left to boil
And the water left these scars on me

The chains i wore were mine, dragging me towards my fate
Planned for me long ago

I played by all their rules, went to their right schools

Who was i to question?

They used to say i was nowhere man
Heading down was my destiny
But yesterday i swear that was
Someone else not me

Here i stand at the crossroad's edge
Afraid to reach out for eternity
One step when i look down
I see someone else, not me

I know now who i am, if only for awhile
I recognize the changes
I feel like i did, before the magic wore thin
And the baptism of stains began

Sacrifice, the always say... is a sign of nobility
But where does one draw the line in the face of injury?
I'm just trying to understand

Standing here at the crossroad's edge
Looking down at what i used to be
A drowning man, trying to stay afloat
Heavy with the past, but somehow keeping hope
That there's something more that is seen
But it's somewhere out of reach

So i keep looking back
Looking back and i see someone else

All my life they said i was going down
But i'm still standing stronger proud

And today i know, there's so much more i can be
I think i finally understand

From where i stand at the crossroad's edge
There's a path leading out to sea
And from somewhere deep in my mind
Sirens sing out loud, songs of doubt, as only they know how
But one glance back reminds and i see
Someone else, not me.

I keep looking back at someone else... me?

My Rainbow......

Pink - Crystal Ball -- Pennies in a well...

Drinking wine and thinking bliss, is on the other side of this
I just need a compass and a willing accomplice
All my doubts that fill my head are skidding up and down again
Up and down and round again, down and up and round again.

Oh, I've had my chances and I've taken them all.
Just to end up right back here on the floor.
To end up right back here in on the floor.

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell.
But I'm not scared at all... Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm

The cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.
Sometimes you think everything is wrapped inside a diamond ring
Love just needs a witness and a little forgiveness
And a halo of patience and a less sporadic pace and
I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes.

Oh I've felt that fire and I've been burned
But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned
I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned.

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell.
But I'm not scared at all... Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm

Of the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.

Irony, irony, this hate and love, hate and love
What it does to me, what it's done to me.
What is done... Done

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Broken mirrors and a black cats cold stare,
Walk under ladders on my way to hell, I'll meet you there.

But I'm not scared at all, hmm... I'm not scared at all.

Bout the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.

Monday, June 27, 2011


BELIEF: something believed; an opinion or conviction: confidence in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof: a statement unworthy of belief: confidence; faith; trust

Don't be too confused, belief & believe the same, it's all in how you view these words.

Once again, I haven't spelled out a topic, but to me, the Hhmm....comes to mind, to think, to be aware.

a principle, proposition, idea, etc, accepted as true
opinion; conviction

religious faith

trust or confidence, as in a person or a person's abilities, probity, etc

Random: I had rented a movie "Crash" from 2004. That's where all my thinking has come from on certain topic & word's that I'll show over time.

"Tensions erupt when the tangled lives of a Brentwood housewife, her district attorney husband, a Persian shopkeeper, two cops, a pair of carjackers and a Korean couple converge over a 36-hour period in the diverse metropolis of post-9/11 Los Angeles"

I dare you to watch & see what "belief's" and what you "believe" in comes to mind.....

Saturday, June 25, 2011


BELIEVE: to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so: Only if one believes in something can one act purposefully.

What is your definition of BELIEVE?

To accept as true
To accept the statement or opinion as true
To be convinced of the truth or existence
To think, assume, or suppose
To think that someone is able to do believed it of him

Do I believe? Do you believe? What to believe in?

I haven't talked about what to believe in, or a subject, person......think that word...very strong word...all by itself, like me, by myself, learning, growing, believing in me......YOU?

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Martina McBride - Anyway

Miss you.....Happy Father's Day.....

You can spend your whole life buildin'
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yeah - I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea, sing it anyway
Yeah, yeah!

I sing
I dream
I love

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Brad Paisley - Old Alabama


"That's What She Said"

I'm taking this next thought from a dear gf's blog: "That's What She Said."

I struggle w/relationships, not just boyfriend/girlfriend, but family & just plain old good fashion friendships. All is work, no relationship should come easy. I mean yes, fun time, laughter, but that roller-coaster ride of life always gets your way, sometimes.

I too have had my heart-breaks.
I thought I had found my one true love, a man I could trust, confide in, tell anything too, no matter how serious I thought the subject was or even if the subject was as silly as silly could get, he took me seriously & he knew the real me. He was there @ some pretty low times & a lot of medical situations. We went thru it all, we got thru it all......but here I am, so we didn't get thru it all....

He listened, he was smart, handsome, he helped w/my family, helped w/my son & I was there for him too, thru his family, his kids, it was a dream for me & the communication was fantastic! A man that could talk & respond & communicate! (even stop for directions!)

He took care of me...he even had a nic-name from a sister that will always be remembered......but here I am, so we didn't get thru it all....

With this all said, I am single.

As my friend SK stated "But he wasn't real. He pretended to be somebody I wanted him to be, but inside he wasn't & while on the outside he is sweet and charming and handsome and wonderful. And he broke my heart into so many pieces that I couldn't/can't trust a man again."

So I have & am healing, yes many moons later.....I have looked & search within me....I am able now, to accept that I am in love w/being in love, not the actual man, to me this isn't right. I need to look @ the whole entire picture, the man, the person & look @ me for me & trying to be something I am not.

I do thank God for not being in any relationship right now, or even the rest of my life.
I am good.
I am real.
I am true to me.
I was real & true to who I am in these relationships, however, I tried too hard.

Friends, family, co-workers, all tell me the same line...."Oh when you are looking, it'll happen" or "they just weren't meant to be." Argh hate that! (i dislike the word hate, i dislike the word just....)

I have a path. I have a journey. I have faith.
And that's where it'll lay for now.
Prayer is powerful.
Forgiveness is powerful. (i've had some of this last sunday)

Whether I am single or in a relationship, I am me.

I accept me.

The ups & downs & the good & bad of dating.

I did state once, and actually many times to a certain some-one, that that was it for me "if-this-relationship-doesn't-work-no-more"

Dating is too hard.

Meet someone, start chatting, go out once & awhile & then all over again, a huge circle...who wants that.

So I am me. No one else & I don't even want to be anyone else.

So take me or leave me.
Read this blog or not, try & understand my ramblings, I am me.
"It's all Good!"

Monday, June 06, 2011

Living the Four Agreements: A life changing Journey

The Four Agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Loving Ourselves Unconditionally -- This is a tough one...I am very hard on myself...

Love yourself into health and a good life of your own.

Love yourself into relationships that work for you and the other person. Love yourself into peace, happiness, joy, success, and contentment.

Love yourself into all that you always wanted. We can stop treating ourselves the way others treated us, if they behaved in a less than healthy, desirable way. If we have learned to see ourselves critically, conditionally, and in a diminishing and punishing way, it's time to stop. Other people treated us that way, but it's even worse to treat ourselves that way now.

Loving ourselves may seem foreign, even foolish at times. People may accuse us of being selfish. We don't have to believe them.

People who love themselves are truly able to love others and let others love them. People who love themselves and hold themselves in high esteem are those who give the most, contribute the most, and love the most.

How do we love ourselves? By forcing it at first. By faking it, if necessary. By acting as if. By working as hard at loving and liking ourselves as we have at not liking ourselves.

Explore what it means to love yourself.

Do things for yourself that reflect compassionate, nurturing, self love.

Embrace and love all of yourself - past, present, and future. Forgive yourself quickly and as often as necessary. Encourage yourself. Tell yourself good things about yourself.

If we think and believe negative ideas, get them out in the open quickly and honestly, so we can replace those beliefs with better ones.

Pat yourself on the back when necessary. Discipline yourself when necessary. Ask for help, for time; ask for what you need.

Sometimes, give yourself treats. Do not treat yourself like a pack mule, always pushing and driving harder. Learn to be good to yourself. Choose behaviors with preferable consequences - treating yourself well is one.

Learn to stop your pain, even when that means making difficult decisions. Do not unnecessarily deprive yourself. Sometimes, give yourself what you want, just because you want it.

Stop explaining and justifying yourself. When you make mistakes, let them go. We learn, we grow, and we learn some more. And through it all, we love ourselves.

We work at it, and then work at it some more. One day we'll wake up, look in the mirror, and find that loving ourselves has become habitual. We're now living with a person who gives and receives love, because that person loves him or herself. Self-love will take hold and become a guiding force in our life.

Today, I will work at loving myself. I will work as hard at loving myself as I have at not liking myself. Help me let go of self-hate and behaviors that reflect not liking myself. Help me replace those with behaviors that reflect self-love. Today, God, help me hold myself in high self-esteem. Help me know I'm lovable and capable of giving and receiving love.

Monday, May 23, 2011


John Holt: Caleb, if I had to ask you why you're so frustrated with Catherine, what would you say?

Caleb Holt: She's stubborn. She makes everything difficult for me. She's ungrateful. She's constantly griping about something.

John Holt: Has she thanked you for anything you've done in the last 20 days?

Caleb Holt: No! And you'd think after I washed the car, changed the oil, do the dishes, washed the house, that she would try to show me a little bit of gratitude, but she doesn't. In fact, when I come home, she makes me feel like I'm an enemy! I'm not even welcome in my own home, dad! That is what really ticks me off! Dad, for the last three weeks I have bent over backwards for her! I have tried to demonstrate that I still care about this relationship. I bought her flowers, which she threw away. I have taken her insults and her sarcasm, but last night was it. I made dinner for her. I did everything I could to demonstrate that I care about her, to show value for her, and she spat in my face! She does not deserve this, dad! I am not doing it anymore! How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over and over, who constantly rejects me?

John Holt: [John Holt strokes the wooden cross, and turns to Caleb] That's a good question.

Caleb Holt: Dad, that is not what I'm doing.

John Holt: Is it?

Caleb Holt: No. Dad, that is not what this is about.

John Holt: Son, you just asked me: how can someone show love over and over again when they're constantly rejected? Caleb, the answer is: you can't love her, because you can't give her what you don't have. I couldn't truly love your mother until I understood what love truly was. It's not because I get some reward out of it. I've now made a decision to love your mother whether she deserves it or not. Son, God loves you, even though you don't deserve it. Even though you've rejected Him. Spat in His face. God sent Jesus to die on the cross for your sin, because He loves you. The cross was offensive to me, until I came to it. But when I did, Jesus Christ changed my life. That's when I truly began to love your mom. Son, I can't settle this for you. This is between you and the Lord. But I love you too much not to tell you the truth. Can't you see that you need Him? Can't you see that you need His forgiveness?

Caleb Holt: Yes.

John Holt: Will you trust Him with your life?

[Caleb nods; yes]

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Something To Believe In

You wake up every morning looking for your answer,
You’re waiting for your sign
While Jeremiah’s on his way to tell the people
But you watch him pass you by.

You walk the streets at night still looking for your reason
But you don’t want to try
You swear the world has got you backed into a corner
But no one holds your hand to walk into a fight.

You swear the light is gonna find you
But it can’t find you if you’re waiting all the time.

You say, ‘keep my head from going down’
Just for a little, just for a little
Watch my feet float off the ground
Just for a little, just for a little
A little love if you can hear this sound
Oh just give me something
Something to believe in.

You spend your days alone still hoping for the truth, oh
But all you hear are lies
But no one else is going to tell you what to do now
No one else is going to help you hold the line.

Sometimes it’s hard to keep on living
But you’re the one who’s got to know just when it’s right.

You say, ‘keep my head from going down’
Just for a little, just for a little
Watch my feet float off the ground
Just for a little, just for a little
A little love if you can hear this sound
Oh just give me something
Something to believe in.

Love, come take me now
Love, come take me
Love, come take me now
Love, come take me, take me now
Come take me, take me now
Come take me, take me now
Come take me, take me now.

You say, ‘keep my head from going down’
Just for a little, just for a little
Watch my feet float off the ground
Just for a little, just for a little
A little love if you can hear this sound
Oh just give me something
Something to believe in.

Something to believe in
Love, come take me
(Something to believe in)
Love is gonna take me, take me, take me
(Something to believe in)
Love is gonna come and save me
(Love is gonna save me)

You say, ‘keep my head from going down’
Just for a little, just for a little
Watch my feet float off the ground
Just for a little, just for a little
A little love if you can hear this sound
Oh just give me something
Something to believe in.

I am ready, able & willing to jump & love myself.....yet anotehr song I can find comfort in.
Songs take on different meanings for different people.
I am a beleiver.
I believe in love.
I believe in self-love.
I beleive in something.
I beleive.
I am jumping, arms wide open, accepting, parachute open, all protective, holding me, gliding, free-falling & enjoying my ride, my journey.....w/all...tough, learning, educating, envigerating ride!!
I can do this, even tho I am alone in my journey, mentally I am not....I am open to all...I am open to him.