Sunday, August 23, 2009

Life's lessons--finding myself engulfed in music

I guess i just got lost being someone else,
I tried to kill the pain
But nothing ever helped
I left myself behind
Somewhere along the way
Hoping to come back around
and find myself some day
Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's OK, tell me please
Would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself
Would you Let Me Be Myself
Coz I'll never find my heart
Behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day
Living in this cell
It's time to make my way
Into the world i knew
And take back all of these times
That I gave in to you
Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's OK, tell me please
Would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself,
For a while
If you don't mind,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself
That's all i ever wanted from this world
Was to let me be me..
Please, would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself
Please, would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself,
For a while
If you don't mind,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

Positive vs Negative
Life experiences:

When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason, you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season!

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person or people (any way); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Of all the words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these... it might have been.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

"Lifetime relationships", I feel can be anyone, anywhere, any experience.

So I am rummaging through my past--why you ask--well, first off, I had an unexpected invite out last nite, so I took it up, what the heck, something to do & I hadn't been to this place in a long time, so I went to Old Orchard Beach.
While out, enjoying this gal's company & catching up, in walks apart of my past.
He looked surprised to see me, well yes, it's been 5/6 yrs since we have seen each other, and thanks to FB, we have re-connected that way.(i thought that's kinda neat--)

So out of his mouth is "Wow, long way from home aren't you, Gray is a long drive to be out?" Ok, how do I read that? Even my friend, said ok, not even "Hi, how are you?" I guess typing this incident is different, but really had you heard his voice, very strange, like I am not suppose to have a life or go out? I said in response "Bite Me!" (one of my fav saying's--like "whatever")
This has gotten me to thinking, that is is time to clean out the "closets" and walk away.
I guess I expect friend to greet each other w/smiles and nice comments.
Even his facial expressions were weird.
All in all, honesty, his face spoke all the words, I think he was thinking, "wow, she's out & really & I did wrong by her--"
I felt empowered w/this situation, enough said, I don't need to need to have "all" these friends or past friends in my current life.
Yes I must admit, it's nice to say we can all be friends, but, nah, not this time!

My ramblings, what I am saying is that, yes, I believe that people do walk into your life, for a reason, specific or not, but when they leave, it is for the right reason too.

Life lesson learned, once again,the Melissa way, the hard & heart-breaking way!

Another summer day
has come and gone away
In Paris or Rome...
but I wanna go home
...uhm Home
may be surrounded by
a million people I
still feel all alone
just wanna go home
I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters
that I wrote to you,
Each one a line or two
I'm fine baby, how are you?
I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane, another sunny place,
I'm lucky I know
but I wanna go home
I got to go home

Let me go home

I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living
someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
when everything was going right
And I know just why you could not come along with me
This was not your dream
but you always believed in me...

Another winter day
Has come and gone away
in either Paris or Rome
and I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
still feel alone
Let me go home
I miss you , you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
baby I'm done
I gotta go home

Let me go home
it'll all be alright
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home"

Little Sebago Lake--I am in love w/this Lake! Speachless!!

Monday, August 17, 2009

'Dancing With the Stars' Season 9 Cast Announced

Are we ready fo ra another season??? Who do you think will or could win from this group? I think, Louie Vito, Pro snowboarder, could win, just because to be a snow boarder, all the different moves & strenght --OR-- even Chuck Liddell, Light heavyweight champion, could go all the way. I haven't a clue on exactly who these 2 are, but when I have seen wrestling & snow boarding the moves & strenght & stuff these men have to go thru, in my opinion, could be a surprise.

I am, however, have been a fan of Donny & Marie Osmond--Let's see what happens.

The 'Dancing With the Stars' season 9 cast has been announced.

The cast -- the show's biggest to date with 16 -- was revealed by Donny Osmond live on ABC's 'Good Morning America.'

'Dancing With the Stars' premieres Mon., Sept. 21 on ABC.

Check out season 9's full roster below.

Donny Osmond

R&B singer and actress

Michael Irvin
Former NFL wide-receiver

Melissa Joan Hart
Actress ('Sabrina the Teenage Witch')

Kelly Osbourne

Debi Mazar
Actress ('Entourage')

Chuck Liddell
Light heavyweight champion

Natalie Coughlin
Olympic gold medalist in swimming

Joanna Krupa
Swimsuit model

Aaron Carter

Tom DeLay
Former House majority leader

Kathy Ireland

Ashley Hamilton
Actor, son of former 'Dancing' contestant George Hamilton; previously married to Shannen Doherty and Angie Everhart.

Mark Dacascos
Actor, host of 'Iron Chef America'

Louie Vito
Pro snowboarder

Macy Gray
Grammy-winning singer

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Are you ready for pre-season FOOTBALL--GO PATRIOTS!!

All I can say that @ half-time = Patriots 21 & Eagles 6


Little Sebago Lake & it's beauty!

I can NEVER get bored looking @ Little Sebago Lake!!!

Some of my friends comment "How many pictures of the Lake do you need?" --or-- "Once you have seen one--"
Nope, I disagree.
Any day will never repeat itself.
Each picture is different.
Each picture has its own peacefulness & beauty, how can you not snap a load of pictures? I Love It!!
Any day of the year, no matter what season, I can come home from work, whether a good day & especially when a bad day & look outside & see the extraordinary scenery & fall in love every moment! All trouble float or melt away & I ask myself, "Did I work today?" Nothing else matters when I see this outside!!!

This is the next picture of clouds that came along--like life small changes, one at a time--this I can handle!

Then the two clouds became one!
Yes I waste a lot of time watching & breathing!

We had a visit over this glorious weekend, Henry came over! What a big fluffy pillow, or better yet, a big white fluffy cloud!
My son's girlfriend brought Henry over. A Great Pyrenee and he is very lovable!!! Too large for me, but a good ole dog!

Talk about "visitors!" haha
She cooks, cleans, fixes things, (even attempts to teach me how to fix crap around here) and keeps me laughing & smiling when I can't see the beauty outside--is this person my husband, wife, cuz or friend? Well now that you ask--by blood, this is my Cuz--her nic-name-Calvin, but MOST of all, my best-test bud in the world, by best friend!! That alone makes her a keeper!! Wouldn't change her one bit!
Love ya CR!! (this may be my last post, cause cuz will probably kill me w/that picture--but hey, she is enjoying the quiet & peacefulness too!

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

DECISIONS -- I think this post will be more ranting than raving!

On a note--this has taken me a few days to write & will seem to you, not to make much sense, but I needed to write & vent in ways & may come back to this again--

(Thank you to Merriam-Webster)

1decision (noun)

2decision (transitive verb)

Main Entry: 1de·ci·sion
Pronunciation: \di-ˈsi-zhən\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English decisioun, from Middle French, from Latin decision-, decisio, from decidere to decide
Date: 15th century
1 a: the act or process of deciding b: a determination arrived at after consideration : conclusion
2: a report of a conclusion
3: promptness and firmness in deciding : determination
4 a: win ; specifically : a victory in boxing decided on points
b: a win or loss officially credited to a pitcher in baseball
— de·ci·sion·al \-ˈsi-zhnəl, -ˈsi-zhə-nəl\ adjective

Now life is always throwing us ALL curves.
Now and again we also get helpful & not so helpful advice.


Main Entry: ad·vice
Pronunciation: \əd-ˈvīs\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English avis, advis view, opinion, from Anglo-French, from the Old French phrase ce m'est a vis that appears to me, part translation of Latin mihi visum est it seemed so to me, I decided
Date: 14th century
1 : recommendation regarding a decision or course of conduct : counsel
2 : information or notice given —usually used in plural
3 : an official notice concerning a business transaction

(Sampson is on my right, while his cuz, Jake is on my left)

Whether we take it or give it as good, bad or indifferent, it is an opinion.
So life & its' curves w/me.
I try & take what anyone has to offer me w/their knowledge and experience, since of course, this person has more/less experience than myself. (again, I really have no direction here, just typing away, as always, in circles & all around & over there somewhere)
When someone tells me that I am "selfish" in their opinion, this is their opinion. When I don't ask an opinion, don't give me yours.

So you ask me why this post--well I recently made a decision, that still weighs in my head & mostly in my heart.
My dog Sampson, had become ill again, bladder stones, which he had more back in 2006 & it was a huge operation, because out of the 24 stones he had, one became lodged in his urethra. This one stubborn stone would not be flushed out, so the long surgery began & it was successful and a 2 nite/3 day stay @ the vet's seemed soooo long. Probably more so for Sampson.
No guarantee that these stones would or would not return.
Well, these did come back, as well as arthritis & some already fused spine. Like my sister & brother in law in Florida, a decision needed to be made. At any time Sampson could turn & have a disc slip & then be paralyzed. Or the stones could keep coming back.
To me, anything to keep him comfortable, would be my wish.
Is this selfish? Someone now has called me this. To me selfish is giving him up so I don't have this responsibility anymore or euthanized.
Yes, I thought hard about this decision and spent quiet a bit of time w/my Veterinary about all the decisions. Yes, Sampson will make it thru the surgery or he wouldn't have suggested this, however, the stones will more than likely return. When & how long is the question he couldn't answer.
I asked about the scaring from the last surgery -- Can you stitch up in the same spot, even when the urethra is so tiny? Until we get into the surgery, I can't tell my the x-ray.
With Sampson's spine, that too is hard to say anything about. He could even be laying down & move to get up & pinch or snap & then there is pain involved there.
There were other discussions w/my Veterinary and He & the entire staff made & makes me feel understood, they caring, sympathetic, and they truly listen & no scolding on any decision I made.
So to ramble on, yesterday August 4, 2009, I took Sampson to the vet's & said my good byes & left crying, sobbing & w/the help of Gray-New Gloucester Animal Hospital, made my way to my truck to leave w/his red Dale Earnhardt #3 NASCAR collar, that my Dad gave me years ago, even tho he thought Sampson made a terrible watch-dog & stated "he'd lap you to death,", and made my way to work, sobbing all the way.
In another opinion: I also believe that some decisions & opinions can tear apart a family.
Another decision, to go to work or not: Well, off I went--figuring working, keeping busy would help. It did for a moment, until my newly adopted little sister, NG, approached me & asked--the question--around two other co-workers, AT & TN, let me cry a little & tell Sampson's story. THANK YOU GIRLS!!!!

Any man's best friend!
Sampson's story:

Sampson came to my in July 2002 from my hair-dresser SIW. She was having her 2nd child & had just lost her German Shepherd to cancer & little boy Sampson was lonely & depressed after losing his friend.

So, Sandy came to me & brought him here & he hadn't left my side. It was a match & we were happy & Sampson settled right in. Sandy even came back w/his crate & didn't go to her & then I also figured out he didn't like "his" crate & enough was enough & there he was, laying next me me most evenings, if not on his own bed beside me.

Sampson was everyone's best friend, always there to greet you @ the door, w/laps of love--Sampson loved being by Brandon too.

Sampson, I will always love you & there will never be another for me! You are missed!!!!
I have your favorite Red NASCAR collar with me!!!

Here's to you!!!

**Dad--take care of him!

I will always remember his eyes, always looking @ me every day when I rose & took him outside.
The tears won't stop.
My heart won't stop aching.
The emptiness I feel is unexplainable.
This wasn't suppose to be tough.
I am cold & sad & the knots throughout my body won't disappear.
Knowing he is healthy & happy & being able to jump & play again does help, but I want to do those things with him.
The tears won't stop til I see him again.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Did the "TOURIST" thing today 8-2-2009

Cuz CR & I did the tourist thing & look what we found in Portland, The Coast Guard, The Eagle. BEAUTIFUL ship!

What a big, tall ship! It's it the tallest!!! This is a training ship & CR's oldest was in the Coast Guard & was on this ship back in 1980/1981.

All I know, walking around the ship, all of a sudden I felt it move & my stomach did the same. I can't believe just how much my stomach has changed & that it can NOT tolerate rides or this swaying! I do not have sea legs!

There she is, Calvin, trying to take over the boat & wanting to drive it!

And here I am trying to get to the flag!

WOW, BIG, Tall, Makes me dizzy!!

Everything on the ship is super-sized!!!

Again SUPER-SIZED steering wheel--This is what little CR wants to do--yea, I wanna watch her try. I think the write up next to the wheel states it takes six men to turn them!

My feet look very tiny compared to the rope that holds the boat docked!

Their dinning room, puts mine to shame--ya think!!! All the detail & oak & just amazing!

I am deathly afraid of heights, but, given the opportunity, I would climb this, just buckle me into something, pretty please!

A grand day meeting The Eagle!

Where is the time going?

Yesterday, August 1st--was my son's girlfriend's birthday-Britney-and her party was here @ the lake--great day to have it--no complaints!

Yesterday, August 1st, was also a GRAND day for my son, Andrew, who ran The Beach To Beacon & came in 287th out of 5613!! You can go to The Beach to Beacon site & Andrew Word is in @ 40:53, which is "gun-time & "net-time" was 40:38!!!!!!!! You go Zippy!!!!

My Mom went to Florida in July to help baby-sit while AA's Daddy took a trip. She had a blast! Between park trips, library trips, eating out, going to the pool & just hanging out w/Nana--I think Mom had more fun than AA!!

Such the wonderful life! Eating w/Elmo!!!

Life, the roller coaster ride--you keep getting on & buckling up!
With that, my work has been busy w/a load of changes--all good, but the only sad news I have is that our Practice Manager, ST, has announced his re-locating to NC. GOOD for him, but sad for us & me mostly! He has been everything to me as an employer. From the moment I interviewed w/ST, we hit it off.
From the moment Central Scheduling was put in place & ST giving me the reins, it has been a wonderful ride! Within one month into this new job, my Grandmother passed, and ST, came to me & really affected me in such a way, I will never forget his kindness. Threw all my medical issues, surgeries, my broken foot, and my Dad's passing & ST(along w/other employees)attending my Dad's funeral, ST has been a blessing not only to me, but Portland Gastroenteroloy Center. I can go on & on in regards to him & all the opportunities he has given my there over the last nine years--ST--you WILL be missed!